I Dare Not Love You Again [Rebirth]
An Se Xing Yun
Lin Shu died a miserable death in a fire. Before closing his eyes, Lin Shu thought, *If there’s an afterlife, I never want to be human again.* Being human was too exhausting—abandoned by his lover, framed by his family, locked in a mental hospital, living a fate worse than death. Amid the raging flames, carbon monoxide filled his lungs. Lin Shu listened to Qin Yuchi’s favorite song and thought he would finally find relief. He and Qin Yuchi were like the poles of a glacier—never destined to meet. He and Qin Yuchi were like the same poles of a magnet—always repelling each other. Lin Shu knew they were ill-suited, but he refused to believe in fate. He loved only Qin Yuchi, so he used every means necessary—even threatening Qin’s acting career—to force his love upon him. In the end, Lin Shu was sent to a mental hospital, tormented every night without peace. This was Qin Yuchi’s revenge, the punishment he deserved. As his breath faded, Lin Shu recalled Qin Yuchi’s hateful gaze—looking at him as if he were filth in the mud—and suddenly, life felt meaningless. With his last breath, Lin Shu whispered, “I’m letting you go, Yuchi.” — When Lin Shu opened his eyes again, he had returned to two years earlier—the peak of his career, before he’d ever met Qin Yuchi. Exhausted by the obsession and suffering of his past life, Lin Shu now avoided every place where he might encounter Qin Yuchi, neglecting even his company duties, sinking into desolation day and night. Before dawn, he would drive alone to the edge of a cliff and stare blankly at the sunrise. After dusk, he would sit on the balcony railing, lost in thought under the stars. Numb, hollow, indifferent. Lin Shu didn’t want to live, yet lacked the courage to die—dragging on like a walking corpse, waiting for an accident to take him away. But who could have predicted? Lin Shu avoided the mountain, yet the mountain rose before him. When he went to see the ocean, he “coincidentally” ran into Qin Yuchi filming a scene on the beach. When he went to see the aurora, Qin Yuchi was “coincidentally” abroad shooting a magazine spread. Even when Lin Shu languished at home, Qin Yuchi moved in next door as his neighbor. Qin Yuchi: “Hello, we meet again.” Lin Shu: “I’m not well. Goodbye.” One morning before sunrise, Lin Shu stood on the cliff again, one foot over the edge, teetering between life and death—when suddenly, a figure appeared behind him and yanked him violently back into the world. Qin Yuchi’s eyes were bloodshot, his teeth clenched, grip bruising Lin Shu’s shoulders. “Lin Shu, if you insist on using dirty tricks to make me love you, then this time, I’ll play along. ***Try dying and see what happens.***” Lin Shu looked into Qin Yuchi’s familiar “hatred” and smiled, though it was uglier than tears. “It was my fault before. I’m sorry,” Lin Shu turned away, shaking off Qin Yuchi’s grip. — Qin Yuchi once believed Lin Shu was the person he should hate most. But when Lin Shu turned to ashes and bones, vanishing from the world, Qin Yuchi clutched his heart—pierced with pain—and finally understood: *He had loved Lin Shu all along.* **Past Life:** Cold, silent top × obsessive, ruthless bottom **This Life:** Obsessive mad dog (actor top) × despondent, give-up-on-life CEO (bottom) 1. Both leads are reborn from the start. 1v1, double virgins, HE. Not a toxic relationship, but extremely dramatic—both are love-crazed lunatics. 2. The top’s memories are fragmented due to post-rebirth injury but gradually return. 3. In their past life, the bottom forcibly demanded love (career blackmail, etc.); the top never sent him to the asylum. Misunderstandings abound, but they were always each other’s only love—to the point of insanity, beyond redemption.