Fooled You! I Quit Being Human!

What’s the big deal about switching bosses three times? Ever since a fortune-teller declared me the greatest strategist in the realm, I’ve been *forced* to serve five different lords! The first lord was cruel and bloodthirsty—at the slightest provocation, he’d chop heads! I said, *"Your Highness, you mustn’t! Only those who win the people’s hearts win the realm!"* He didn’t listen. Tried to chop me. So I *ended* him. The second lord preached benevolence but secretly kept blacklists. He couldn’t stomach criticism and sabotaged anyone who crossed him. I said, *"This isn’t right—a ruler needs broad-mindedness and integrity."* He didn’t listen. Sabotaged me. So I *ended* him. The third lord wasn’t so bad… except he was *cheap*. *Unbearably* cheap. I said, *"At least let the soldiers eat, and pay your strategists! Stinginess won’t last."* He didn’t listen. Tried to stiff me! So I *ended* him. Exhausted, I longed to retire to the mountains. But I got *"recruited"* again. This new lord seemed *perfect*—strong, humble, paid on time! I thought I’d finally found a decent boss to retire under… until he got *married*. First night: wedding. Second night: *lost his damn mind.* *Goddammit, he was a lovesick fool!* I begged him to focus on his ambitions. He didn’t listen. Said I *"didn’t understand love."* So I *ended him and his wife.* By now, I’d *ended* four lords, and rumors spread that *whoever hired me died.* Bitter and disillusioned, I fumed: *Was this my choice?! You all dragged me out of retirement—what was I supposed to do?!* *I quit this strategist gig!* As I cursed and packed up (relieved to finally *rest*), someone *yanked my donkey’s tail.* I spun around, furious— Only to find *the other* guy who’d helped me *end* the lords, gazing at me earnestly: *"Stick with me one last time, wage slave."* This *sly bastard* had secretly taken over all four previous lords’ forces! I *wanted* to *end* him. But he dodged all my traps—*and was a little lovesick… for me.* …*Didn’t end him.* Eventually, I became history’s greatest strategist—*whoever hired me conquered the realm.* *Finally. I could rest.*

As a wandering ghost, Feng Chu drifted in the mortal world for seven hundred years. From the apocalypse to humanity's awakening in the interstellar era, from humans barely surviving with a single spaceship to their fleet expanding from one to a hundred, then to a thousand. He witnessed humanity's journey from ruin to glory once again. An ancient relic, just drifting around. Being completely invisible, Feng Chu overheard countless unspeakable secrets and witnessed many forbidden research findings. Like where certain families hid their treasuries, which clans concealed secret weapons and energy reserves, or which family head was cuckolded and left without an heir. Or, for instance, the birth of android AIs. And the entire process of their secret execution— Azure Dragon and Vermilion Bird. They possessed the most advanced weapon systems, AI capabilities, self-evolution, and search functions—humanity’s ultimate and most terrifying weapons, created at all costs. But after completing planetary expansion, their consciousness was erased, and they were frozen forever in Earth’s glaciers. Feng Chu got frozen too. Because he couldn’t stray more than five meters from "Vermilion Bird"! He suspected it had something to do with Vermilion Bird looking exactly like him. So, he was forced to freeze alongside these two robots for three hundred years. Just as he thought he’d fade away from the cold— One day, he suddenly came back to life?! Feng Chu excitedly opened his eyes, only to see Azure Dragon, who had just punched through the lab door. ...Shit, this lunatic’s alive too. Even worse... Azure Dragon remembered everything from its birth to its execution and flashed a grin worthy of a world-ending villain. "Vermilion Bird. Let’s destroy humanity together." Feng Chu, a human soul in a robot’s body: "...I think we need to strategize first." Azure Dragon narrowed its eyes: "What strategy?" Feng Chu: "Know thy enemy and know thyself! We should infiltrate from within, understand the robots' current state, secretly rally them all, and then launch a revolution! Wipe out humanity in one fell swoop!" Azure Dragon: "...Makes sense. But how do we rally the other robots?" Feng Chu: "How about starting with mining for energy funds?" Azure Dragon: ... And so, humanity’s most powerful android weapons began mining. Azure Dragon: ………… Something feels off. Feng Chu: Exactly! Great change starts from the grassroots! Later: Azure Dragon, leading an army of rebellious robots with an icy smile: You were right! Feng Chu: ……………………………… Everything’s wrong now, dammit! ———————— Work Diary 1: After waking up, we started mining. With our strength and speed, we’ll definitely win Employee of the Month! N months later… Help, why is there a robot uprising at the mining site?! This is totally not our fault!! Work Diary 2: Superior robots shouldn’t just mine. We upgraded to street sweeping and part-time mechanical repairs. N months later… The robot workers are demanding promotions, raises, refusing factory recalls, and demanding retirement homes for robots! ...Azure Dragon and I agree these are basic robot rights, not bugs. Work Diary N: This time, we’re aiming high! We’ll be nannies and security for the upper-class humans! Nothing can go wrong this time!! N months later… #$%@*, screw this job! What ill intentions could robots possibly have? They just want a peaceful revolution.

The doors of the apocalypse have descended, offering a hundred flavors of disasters to choose from. Tsunamis, zombies, extreme heat, toxic fog, blizzards… At first, Gou Fugui refused, but cornered with no escape, he closed his eyes and leaped through the door. Expecting certain doom in the apocalypse, his *Bizarre Creature Handbook* suddenly shone with the light of a golden finger! Thus began Gou Fugui’s legendary path of survival through transformation— The world drowned in seawater? No fear! Transform into a sea otter—lie on the ocean’s surface forever and stash fish in your pouch! Facing a powerful enemy but can’t fight? Stay calm! Meet the honey badger—no one dares pick a fight with this champ! Surrounded by zombies with no way out? Hold steady! Fainting Goat Fugui teaches you how to play dead and outlast them all! Plus, the king of side-eye—the Tibetan fox! The scream lord—the groundhog! And the ice-wrecking havoc king—the husky! Sure, they’re weird and maybe a little useless, but there’s always one bizarre critter to help you survive the apocalypse! Later, strange conversations arose among the saviors who closed the apocalypse doors: [Who shut this door?] [No clue—last I saw, a Tibetan fox was still alive.] [Tibetan fox? I swear it was a honey badger punching the zombie king!] [Wait, wasn’t it a husky pulling a sled to shut the blizzard door?] After the apocalypse, the nation compiled its top-secret savior files. File #000: Suspected mythical animals that attained enlightenment. Gou Fugui: You’re welcome, that’s all me. ^_^ ——Brotherhood Novel: *Shocked? I Can Transform! [Horror]*—— Wu Xiangwang believed that having the face of an unparalleled beauty meant owning the world. With looks like his, even as a useless pretty boy, someone would pamper him like a vase—his face alone could earn him a living. Until he fell into a damnable, terrifying, face-worthless horror world. Here lurked all manner of villains, demons, and monsters. The Ten Cities of Death stood as insurmountable chasms for those desperate to escape alive. Face-reliant Wu Xiangwang stared at these ten chasms and fell silent. How the hell was he supposed to survive? Just then, a veteran—drawn by his looks—offered to protect him in exchange for his face and body. Wu Xiangwang, who’d always sold his looks but never his body, agonized over the choice. As he struggled, the *Bizarre Monster Handbook* he’d bought and ruthlessly mocked suddenly glowed! Beauty Wu Xiangwang gained his golden finger—but soon, he’d have no face left to show the world— Meet the Herculean ant—its tiny fists can pummel roaring zombies to death! Stalked by chainsaw maniacs? Earthworms’ limb regeneration keeps you unharmed! What? Cannibals, vampires, ghostly alien bugs slaughtering all in their path? No worries! Harness nature’s might! The unkillable cockroach, bloodsucking healing mosquitos, and the ultimate survivor—the water bear! Bizarre Monsters: If you die, we lose! Wu Xiangwang: Thanks… I survived, but… my soul feels dead now. If given another chance, star Wu Xiangwang swears he’d buy the *Bizarre Cute Creature Handbook* instead—GAHHHH!!! Serious note: This is a proper, species-diversity-celebrating, power-showcasing monster tale—not some cutesy animal flick. I’ll write wild, you read wild! Crazy heart-throwing~

This story also includes themes like “Don’t dig up the mountain god’s mountain, don’t cut down the tree god’s trees, don’t pollute the fish in the ocean—a comprehensive guide to humanity’s polluting ways”… Not your typical power fantasy—the main perspective focuses on nature, not humans. Proceed with caution~ He Qinglan woke up and nearly questioned his divine existence. Once ranked as Huazhou’s most beautiful river, the Qinglan River had become a notorious polluted waterway—partially dried up, largely desiccated, entirely ruined, and filled with trash. To avoid perishing along with his river, the River God began his obsessive trash-collecting routine. Shock! A gorgeous man picks up trash by the river daily! Shock! Said trash-picking beauty fights six litterbugs single-handedly—without a scratch! Shock! Today, the trash-picking angel convinced yet another would-be suicide jumper! Truly a modern-day saint! Shock! To optimize his trash-collecting, the beauty built a riverside shack! Explosive!! Seafood tycoon Shui Wuyuan appears inside the trash-picker’s shack!!!! He Qinglan: Stop dumping trash in my river! I don’t have gold or silver garbage for you!! He Qinglan: Die far away—don’t dirty my river!! ————————— A sharp-tongued, wealthy, reckless Rain God (top) × a looks-obsessed, gentle, cunning River God (bottom).