Non-Human Wife

During an exorcism, Jiang Yao accidentally breaks the seal of a malevolent spirit. Dressed in a red bridal gown with a crimson veil, the spirit is slender, mute, and terrifyingly violent—nearly killing Jiang Yao on the spot. Luckily, he suppresses it with his heart’s blood in time. Intending to take the spirit back to his temple for his master to handle, his unreliable master pales at the sight and hides under the ancestral altar, trembling: "This spirit can't be killed. Whoever undid the seal must resolve it—you deal with it!" "H-How do I resolve it?" "Take it home and raise it!" —— After a few days of "raising" the spirit, Jiang Yao sits in his now-demolished home, soaked in blood, and calls his useless master: "I can't resolve this. Just kill me." Master: "Well… what if… it falls for you first? Then it might let you handle it." Jiang Yao falls silent, ponders, then reluctantly agrees. Yet, having been single his entire life, he reluctantly turns to the internet for advice: *How to pursue a girl and win her affection?* Kind netizens reply: Treat her to good food, watch movies, drink boba, get her nails done—do everything that makes her happy, then confess your feelings. Jiang Yao understands. … **Fellow Taoist:** "Lately, some colleague keeps snatching all the spirits in town! I finally got a job, set up my formation, and he just stuffs the spirit in a box and leaves! What a monster!" **Jiang Yao:** *Seize them all, feed the wife, yum.* **Celebrity:** "I spent a fortune raising a guǐ child to become the industry's top star, but someone kidnapped it while I was eating! My dreams are shattered!" **Jiang Yao:** *Hunt wild snacks, feed the wife, yum.* **Cinema Owner:** "A rich kid keeps booking my theater late at night, bringing a veiled bride to watch horror movies! I’m making money but *are they even human?!*" **Jiang Yao:** *Movie dates with wife, yum.* —— On the day the bridal spirit finally allows its veil to be lifted— **Jiang Yao (in wedding robes):** *Lift wife’s veil, yum.* The veil falls. Tears flood his face—*F*ck! Nobody told me the beautiful bridal ghost had a *dick*?! Whatever! Even if wife’s packing, still smells great! (*Young Taoist (top) x Terrifying Bridal Spirit (bottom) – A Domestication Guide*)