"I will hold your hand and go together to the land flowing with milk and honey." Notes (Please read carefully): 1. Free story, no charge. Originally titled "I Admit This Is a Pitfall." 2. Highly dramatic and clichéd. The top is extremely detestable in the early stages—I mean, extremely. 3. This story features: a fictional Western setting, an overused "chasing-the-wife crematorium" trope, inaccurate nautical spice knowledge, intersex pregnancy, two deeply flawed protagonists, and more. Enter only if you enjoy emotional rollercoasters. Others, please refrain from suffering through it—thanks! 4. All historical references are from an alternate universe's dubious legends. Mock those who take them seriously. 5. Originally serialized in 2018, reposted after major revisions. Readers familiar with later plot points, please avoid spoilers for new readers—thank you for your cooperation!